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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28008402">Brave Enough</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/loeyviosa/pseuds/loeyviosa'>loeyviosa</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourpatchedkid/pseuds/sourpatchedkid'>sourpatchedkid</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Minimal Warm Project [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EXO (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>BaekYeol - Freeform, ChanBaek - Freeform, M/M, Night Conversation, Strangers, __jonginnie, from twitter, ravencloey, real talk</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>Filipino</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:21:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,529</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28008402</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/loeyviosa/pseuds/loeyviosa, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourpatchedkid/pseuds/sourpatchedkid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Stuck in the children's playground after letting his first love go, Benedict meets Baekhyun. Through beers and skyflakes, they talk about love, heartbreak, and everything else in between.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Minimal Warm Project [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2030437</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Brave Enough</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>To the donor,</p>
<p>Thank you for your support and generosity. This one is for you. We hope you like it.</p>
<p>- Nina and Avy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Are there deadlines on heartbreaks? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There should be. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Benedict watched as the former love of his life--his first love--turned his back to him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Man, if only he knew. </span>
  </em>
  <span>If only he knew how Bennie had to swallow all of his urges to run back, pull him in, and tell him they can go through this together. Whether as friends or as friends with more possibilities. But, he taps himself on the back for a job well done. It takes a whole lot of courage to walk away from the things you’re used to and so, he trudges outside Caleb’s apartment complex and finds himself in the playground--swinging over and over, ignoring the multiple phone calls coming from his bag and the suspicious stares of every yaya, every kid, and every mom who passed by him in the afternoon. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s nighttime now and Bennie still doesn’t feel hungry. In fact, his thighs don’t even hurt from all the pushing and swinging he’s doing for himself. He’s still trying to process what exactly is weighing him down--is it because one of his best friends is flying halfway across the globe </span>
  <em>
    <span>because </span>
  </em>
  <span>of him? Is it because he knows that this time everything they’ve decided on and decided to do is final? No turnbacks? He loves the guy but he isn’t in love with him anymore, that’s for sure.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So, why has he been on a children’s swing for 6 hours now?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The answer comes in the form of another person holding a plastic of instant food and beer. He sits on the swing next to Bennie. Unlike the people who went and passed by him, this one didn’t avoid him nor did he shoot him a questionable look. The person just kind of sat there before he started swinging lightly. Bennie looks at him curiously. The person’s face is the size of his palm and his features fit his face perfectly. Except his eyes, nose, and lips are all quite red and he thinks that this person must’ve cried on his way to the playground. Either that or he was so angry it came out physically. He looks young. So much younger than Bennie that he has to chuckle to himself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>27. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He’s twenty fucking seven now. With two degrees under his belt, a stable career, and a sad heart inside him. Eighteen-year-old Bennie thought his twenty-seven-self would be much happier and much more successful. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He figures the amount of time he has stared at the boy was becoming disrespectful so he turns forward again, staring blankly at the buildings in front of them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Beer?” Startled, he looked at the boy next to him who was now holding a can of beer to him. “Gusto ko ng skyflakes na may condensed though so sayo na lang ‘yung original.” He takes out one piece of the original skyflakes and hands it to him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bennie mumbles a thank you before taking the can of cold beer and biscuit. The boy opens his own can and takes a huge gulp. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Have we met before?” He asks. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Not that I remember.” Bennie shrugs, opening his can and taking a swig. “Saan though?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sa city hall,” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Another swig. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Feel ko lang.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mga 2 weeks ago may meeting ako with mayor.” He places his can between his thighs and then opens the skyflakes for himself. “You work there?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Intern.” The boy takes out some more crackers in his plastic and starts eating. They sit in shared silence, drinking their canned beer, and biscuits. It’s not how Bennie envisioned his Friday to go but he welcomes a new version of calm when the cold liquid hits his throat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Quick question,” Beanie purses his lips in concentration, trying to form his words. “What do you call someone who isn’t heartbroken but isn’t happy either?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Normal?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bennie repeats the words </span>
  <em>
    <span>normal </span>
  </em>
  <span>and he chuckles at how unfamiliar it feels in his mouth. He hasn’t been “normal” since college. Somehow, it almost always feels like he’s living a different, harder, and harsher life than the next person. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t feel normal.” He says. “My first love is leaving the country in a couple of hours.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The stranger hums, urging him to continue. He takes a few more sips for encouragement. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Before going here, I was so sure na wala na ‘kong nafefeel for him. I mean, I love him. Di na lang ako in love. But still, just th thought na hindi na siya kasama sa monthly dinners ng barkada and just watching him leave kanina was so-- like everything about him-- has and still is-- alam mo ‘yun--suffocating.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Unsure if the stranger gets it, Bennie continues. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And I wasn’t a good friend to him over the past couple of years so… I don’t know, really. I’m just in a weird limbo right now.” he finishes his drink and crushes the can between his hands. “Sorry. And thank you for the beer.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The stranger looks at him and then at the crushed can in his hand. He fishes for another beer and hands it to Bennie. The latter takes it gratefully.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Was it hard?” The stranger asks. “Letting go?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bennie thinks hard, and then he shakes his head, “Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn’t real.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When he looks back at all the things that he and Caleb went through, all the miscommunication, all the missed timing, all the scripts not followed--he thinks the easiest decision was to leave and the hardest was to love him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ikaw?” Bennie asks. “What’s up with you?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He gets a bitter chuckle in return. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re an adult, right?” The stranger asks. “Shit, alam ko na bakit kita kilala. Atty. Benedict Byun, di ba? I retweeted that opening statement millions of times. I can’t believe--what the fu--Oo nga! Sorry, sobrang bright mo don, or baka madilim lang dito. Anyway so,” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bennie didn’t like attention from </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>video but he doesn’t mind the stranger next to him. The stranger who smiled for the first time at the thought of him. In fact, he feels a little sorry for him for meeting him in </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>state.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And you are?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Baekhyun Byun,” The stranger throws his finished can in the same plastic before taking out a new one. “Nice to meet you, attorney.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Naku,” Bennie laughs. “Kuya na lang or Bennie. Actually, Bennie. Just call me Bennie.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Kuya Bennie.” Baekhyun affirms. “Sabi ng mama ko, kailangan rumespeto sa matanda.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“27 lang ako, uy!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“20 lang ako though?” Baekhyun shoots him a teasing glance. “So  you </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>an adult.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Unfortunately.” He cracks the skyflakes and eats one. “Bakit?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ganito ba talaga kapag tumatanda?” Baekhyun leans his head against the chains on the swing. “Ang daming nagaganap? Hindi lang dito,” He points to the chest. “Dito rin.” And then to his temple. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Pretty much. You will be stupid. You will worry your parents. You will question your own choices, your relationships, your jobs, your friends, where you live, what you studied in college, that you went to college at all…” Bennie remembers all of his random existential crisis from the age twenty onwards. Even now, just five minutes ago, he was having one. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh wow.” The younger replies. He was expecting a sugarcoated answer. An ideal one from an adult. But he’s smacked with realistic answers from one of the people he looks up to from the internet. “Anong gagawin ko ngayon? It feels like </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m </span>
  </em>
  <span>falling apart.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“When this happens, I’m happy to let you know that you’re doing your life right.” Bennie sighs. “When you’re questioning yourself, you’re most probably doing it right. You’re growing. You’re dealing with something new, and more often than not, stressful siya but--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“May less stressful way pa ba?” Baekhyun asks, cutting him off. “Feel ko para ‘kong stress na tumubo as a person.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bennie raises an eyebrow at the statement and chuckles. Oh, to be as carefree as him. It seems that these days his brain talks in technicalities, legalese, and grumbles. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wala eh. We just have to go through it, I guess?” When Bennie looks back at the person he was before, he can’t help but feel proud of himself. Everything has changed. Except for his adoration for that one blockmate leaving for Canada later tonight. “Sobrang daming beses na minsan nalulungkot pa rin ako sa mga nangyari sakin dati. Lalo na love life? Diyos ‘ko. Every now and then it just hits me. Sometimes, it takes days for me to get over it. But like you said, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m normal. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I’m in between happy and heartbroken.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Baekhyun looks at him, gauging if this adult really took his advice seriously. But, there’s no trace of mockery so he goes back to leaning his head on the chains. He drops the plastic on the ground, feeling the weight on his fingers. He grips on the chains when he frees his hand. He isn’t his best self these days and to learn that it doesn’t necessarily change in the next few years feels oddly comforting. As if he can sit on these feelings, familiarize, and learn how to work through them as he grows up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ikaw,” Bennie sighs. “Anong kwentong Rebisco mo?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Skyflakes yan, tanga.” Baekhyun replies nonchalantly before realizing, “Ay, sorry kuya.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bennie pretends to be offended, even putting a hand to his chest, and then he laughs. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dali na, kwento na.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nagpakawala ng isang malalim na buntong hininga si Baekhyun sabay sabing, “Mahirap na talaga mag-tiwala kapag bata ka pa lang nasaktan ka na, ano? The constant feeling of being betrayed and abandoned. Meron na talagang negative impact sa buhay mo.” Parang kanina lang masigla pa ito kumpara ngayon. Bennie looks at him and waits for him to continue. He forces a smile. “Parang you can never trust again. It is so hard for me to trust again.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Akala ko about sa lovelife but hearing you say naiwanan noong bata pa lang, I assume this is about family, right?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It is the first time he met Bennie but he is already this comfortable to open up. Siguro nga tama ang iba. It is easier to open up to strangers than sa mga kakilala mo ‘cause they do not you. A friend can sometimes be judgmental and that is scary. Hindi naman sinasabi ni Baekhyun na hindi trustworthy ang mga kaibigan niya pero sa ngayon, tingin niya ay mas mabuting sa iba nalang muna maglabas ng sama ng loob. Ang mga kaibigan kasi, naghahanap ng dahilan. Sa case niya ngayon, hindi ba pwedeng ‘yung sakit na nararamdaman niya muna bago ang pag consider na may dahilan kung bakit nangyayari ang mga bagay-bagay? Ngayon lang. Hindi naman mali ang mga kaibigan niya, eh. He knows that. He just wants to be selfish now then tomorrow or sa makalawa, magiging rational na siya ulit kahit masakit pa. Kahit disappointed pa rin siya.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He nods, “Three years ago, nalaman naming may pamilya na palang iba ‘yung papa ko. Hindi pa ganon katagal, right? Pero nung nalaman lang namin. Who knows kung gaano na sila katagal nung kinakasama niya? Hindi na rin namin inalam. Para saan pa? Bago man or hindi nung nalaman namin ‘yon, nothing could change the reality na niloko kami. Na merong tatlong anak at isang asawa na ipinagpalit para sa bago. Na hintay kami nang hintay sa pagdating ayun pala sa iba siya umuuwi.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His voice quivered. Sabi niya hindi na siya iiyak, eh, bakit tumataas nanaman ang emosyon niya? Siguro nga pag ganitong usapan, it is inevitable. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tapos ngayon parang nangyari ulit. Not exactly the same pero mukhang naiwan nanaman yata ako sa ere. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mukhang umasa nanaman yata akong saakin uuwi pero paano mangyayari ‘yon kung doon palang sa malayo, iba na ang kasama?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This is about lovelife, right?” Bennie asks. Baekhyun continued to sip his beer bago sumagot, “But it is my fault this time. We are not even official. He is free to do whatever he wants and unlike me, stable na siya. He also has the entitlement to do what makes him happy. Alam ko naman ‘yon. Hindi ko lang din maiwasang masaktan kasi akala ko we have something na matatawag na para samin lang, hindi pwedeng i-share sa iba. I expected a lot from </span>
  <em>
    <span>us,</span>
  </em>
  <span> kahit wala namang kami..” He chuckles, “And most especially from him. I know ang pangit na jinajudge ko siya without hearing his side but I can’t help it. Wala naman na rin yata siyang sasabihin pa. Malinaw na.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hindi niya sinabi kung sino ang tinutukoy niya. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bakit pa?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Atty. Benedict Byun knows Mayor Chanyeol. That’s for sure. Bukod sa ayaw niyang i-disclose kung anuman ang namagitan sakanila, kung mayroon nga ba, he is not proud to get</span>
  <em>
    <span> played</span>
  </em>
  <span> by someone who everyone looks up to. Magandang chance sana ‘yon for him to ruin Chanyeol’s name pero hindi siya ganoong klase ng tao and the people loves Chanyeol because he is doing his job right. Labas doon ang personal nitong buhay.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bennie was listening intently. Natawa naman si Baekhyun nang makitang seryoso ito. He shakes his head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Napahaba pala ‘tong kwento.” He smiles. “Nag-tanong ka pa kasi, eh.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But Bennie didn’t laugh. He knows Baekhyun is not truly happy. Who would even be?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I certainly know nothing except the things I’ve heard from you but I hope you’ll stop blaming yourself, Baekhyun. It is not your fault na umasa. Everyone tends to when given something they can hold onto. Kahit maliit na chance pa ‘yan.” Ang sabi nito. “Also, I know you only told me the things na pwede kong malaman but if you allow me to give you a piece of advice, </span>
  <em>
    <span>as a kuya na rin siguro</span>
  </em>
  <span>, try not to beat yourself up too much. Katulad nga ng sabi ko kanina, it is not your fault na dalawang beses nangyari ‘yan sayo. You are a victim. Ironic how these things are coming from me but I really hope you find happiness even in the darkest times. Sabi nga sa isang book, diba? It is possible. Just remember to turn on the light.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Feeling ni Baekhyun, kahit hindi pa nareresolve ang mga problema niya, kahit papano’y gumaan ang pakiramdam niya. Masarap sa feeling ‘yung may handang makinig sayo, sa </span>
  <em>
    <span>kwentong Skyflakes mo.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I will not forget that.” He tells Bennie.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ilang oras nalang, matatapos nanaman ang araw at kinabukasan ay magsisimula nanaman ng panibago. Ang bilis. Sana kung gaano rin kabilis lumipas ang masasayang oras, ganoon din ang malulungkot pero bakit parang hindi? Parang mas nagtatagal? Bawat segundong dadaan, parang bumabagal.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ganoon nga siguro talaga. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mabilis ang oras sa tuwing masaya ka</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Kaya nga diba dapat nilulubos? Kasi kahit kailan, pwedeng bigla nalang mawala. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sa case ni Baekhyun, nilubos niya nang husto. Kung pwede sana palagi nalang masaya kaso mahirap ipilit ang bagay na hindi naman talaga kahit gusto mo pa.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope someday magkita ulit tayo, Attorney, pero ‘yung wala ng bigat na dala. Magkakamustahan tayo at masasabi natin sa isa’t-isang nahanap natin ang </span>
  <em>
    <span>switch ng ilaw</span>
  </em>
  <span> sa mga buhay natin.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bennie lets out a chuckle. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Switch ng ilaw.</span>
  </em>
  <span> That’s cute. He nods. They both smiled at each other. “Let’s do that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
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